Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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