last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
