I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
