I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
