thus making me awesome and them whores
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My breasts were aching with rage.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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