i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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