i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
