its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
