I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
