When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
