i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
