have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
