Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
