Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
