You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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