I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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