can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
