Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
