you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
