I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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