i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
