Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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