after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
