she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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