Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
