My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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