Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
