Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
