you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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