Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
