This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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