No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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