so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
