He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
