The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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