The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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