I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
