i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
