i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
