Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
