my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
