By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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