McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
