please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
