I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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