OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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