Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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