I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
