i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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