I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it because I queefed?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
