i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
