Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
