those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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