Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize