That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
