I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
