Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
