she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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