Dual....:-)
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
