You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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