How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
