My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
