my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
