you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
