a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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